Developing the Fear: Thoughts Before the First Game

  "I hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. I think I'm getting The Fear" - Dr. Gonzo, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
 
So this saturday is my first game as VST. I've made the plans for plot, talking to my DST, set up an assistant Venue Story Teller for the game. Sent out the pre-registration email, got the props, set the soundtrack to the game, managed all of the downtimes sent to me and even managed to schedule some time in between games to visit my cat.

I am infinitely fucking terrified.

The problem comes from a simple fact: I'm a megalomaniac. I gravitate towards positions of power or authority. It comes from being a writer, I think, or one of the reasons I like being a writer. I like being in creative control, and being able to direct and guide others while weaving a pattern. I'm an idealist.

No, really, I swear.

Unfortunately, I'm also terminally shy and self-conscious. Half my time is spent on wondering if this choice is the right choice, if I should have done this better. It's a pain in the balls.

So yes, I'm a shy megalomaniac. Explains a lot.

My main goal this game is to set people on the path of the plot. But these are my problems in my head:

- Managing the plots going on at the same time
- Not spilling to much plot
- Not confusing the players
- Mechanics balance,  is what I'm doing mechanically sound or just me throwing shit at them?
- Giving everyone something to do.
- Having Power Players Try to railroad or hijack the game.

This last one is both important and also the least in my hands. One of the problems that's been in Mage is that we've been in a City under Siege arc for a long while. A lot of what has been going on has been combat related, which kills a lot of the potential for the Academics and Social crowd. I want to bring that back in, especially since I favor thoughs. I don't want to alienate the hitters either.

This is a persistent problem with me: The Fear. I'm afraid of somehow fucking it up. I'm trying to let it pass, but I know I won't be happy until this is over. Whether I mean the weekend or the ST run, I don't know.