Friday nights are sometimes the best and worst times for gaming.
Changeling is one of those games that are highly popular, highly fun and completely packed with people. It's been three months since the chronicle started and we've just finished the game for August. Everyone had a great time, a lot of political plot was going on and my character, Jin, was handling a lot of it. It was fun, a lot of work, but by the time we got out of the game, I had crashed.
Let me explain what I mean by that. When I say Crash, I mean that I had hit the point of emotional exhaustion where I could feel myself being angrily irritated at the people around me, simply for being there. I felt that having the 30+ players near me was too many in the room. I felt suffocated, with too many voices around me. I bolted towards the diner we go to after game to get a Coke and calm me down. I drank my drink, tried to maintain some conversation then paid my check and left to grab my bus back up to the Bronx.
As I made my way to the bus, I put my headphones on, trying to tune out the world as much as I could while I tried to put some kind of control on my emotions, my heart and mind racing with dozens of feelings and thoughts which can be separated into two groups: inadequacy and the need to be alone. I woke up this morning feeling emotionally and physically drained. My body didn't want to move. I felt hungover without ever taking a drop of liquor.
This also occurred at the Last Dystopia Rising game. By the end of Saturday night, I didn't want to have to deal with anyone. I scurried back into my darkened Barn (and nearly broke my shins on an ill placed bench, ow) and cocooned myself into my sleeping bag. I woke up sunday and went "...Nope, not even trying today." And spent that morning sweeping out the barn, doing so in character on the odd moment someone came in. But my heart wasn't into it, I just didn't have the energy to interact.
You see, I'm an introvert. In the end of things, I need to have some sort of quiet, private space where I am alone with just the voices in my own head to talk. I like not having to talk to people sometimes, I like that I can just coast and enjoy the experience for myself. There was a piece that explains how introverts act and how to handle them, in that Introverts need private and personal space to recharge energy, and that the need for silence and privacy shouldn't be scene as an insult. (the piece is here)
So this becomes a question of "How the fuck can I LARP?" LARPing is, by it's sheer definition, a Social game where people interact with one another. How does that work when, eventually, I just don't want to have to deal with people and just do some of my own work or just not have to deal. I see in LARPs, especially theatre/salon LARPs where (seemingly) extraverted players tend to be the most effective/popular of the players because they thrive in social settings and situations, which makes introverted players have to work just a little bit harder to make as much of an impact. So how does this work?
I have a few ideas, and I'd like to share them.
I should note that I am only speaking for myself. You are not me, I am not you. My experiences aren't the same as other peoples and I do not presume to have any/all of the answers. If I did have all the answers, I'd just lie down and shut up. If this does help you, great, if it doesn't, then let this poor nerd espouse to himself before the men in white coats drag his loopy ass away.
The first thing that should be done is to be aware of your limits, know when you're hitting the line where you can't deal. This is key and primary. I've had moments where I just cannot put up with being in a room full of people and I didn't notice it. I get panicky and I lash out pretty hard, it's not something I'm particularly fond of. So I recognize the warning signs, low energy, sharp spike of emotions. It manifests itself sometimes through my Roleplay, which considering my character in Changeling is part of the West Court, which focuses on Honor and Warfare, it's not out of the question for him to be stressed and ready to strike. The problem comes when the line gets crossed from roleplay enhancement to real life issue. .
Now, what happens when you've hit your limit for the day? My first thing is to just back away, step out of the game and give yourself the space you need. This is easier done in theatre and salon style where going out of character is just a matter of stepping out of the game space to find a quiet corner or go downstairs for a can of Coke or a smoke. In games that focus on deeper immersion, like Dystopia Rising, it's a bit difficult because Everywhere is game space. As much as I need my personal space, I'm not one to go out of character to do so at the cost of other players fun, hence why I usually withdraw to my sleeping space and just crash a bit, maybe do some In Character writing (most of my characters write, are any of you surprised by this?). I'm still IC, but I'm doing so at minimum.
But, what if you still want to play? What if you still want to do something with your character during that time. This is where you should go to the Storytellers for some help. Most of my characters are, as I've said before, support characters. They investigate, they craft, they heal. They aren't normally frontline characters and rarely ever do they have to be up front and center. So it's not at all out of the question that they'll do work in the background and still be useful. This relies on certain factors, 1) How tired are you. 2) Does your ST have something for you to do, this may require waiting for them, which depending on when during the night this happens, it may not be feasible. 3) Some games may not be designed for someone to go do a private scene. If these answers are 1) Very 2) they are unavailable to do a private scene or 3) the game is not designed to do a low interaction private scene then see yourself at the Withdraw option. I do believe that this is something that SHOULD be brought up to an ST though, so they are aware and can accomodate. A player should not be denied the ability to play just because they aren't feeling up to playing the main room.
I should note that this isn't saying that introverts shouldn't play social characters. That's a stupid statement, but I feel that, if you're someone like me who has a breaking point on dealing with people, you need to be comfortable and aware that there is a limit to the amount of interaction you can physically tolerate.
Another suggestion is to do something to destress after game, for me this is using the time it takes me to get home from Manhattan to the Bronx (usually about an hour or so trip) to play music or an ASMR track to take me out of the emotional funk and to allow myself to relax and calm down. I also recommend reading, putting in movies, just something that you yourself can enjoy and can bring yourself to a good equilibrium. Hell, this blog is a way to do that, to express my emotions and thoughts in a somewhat constructive manner while clacking away at my keyboard in my house. It helps me deal and focus those emotions while also recharging my batteries.
This of course goes adds to the fact that I myself am a storyteller. We're a smaller game, with a more focused plot and more diverse mechanic, I've got gamers that range from the casual to the "I wanna make a truck with nothing but Matter". The above suggestions aren't options for an ST. For four/five hours I'm on the hook, and I owe it to my players to not jump out of a window to have a moment of silence to myself. But the moment that game is done, I pack up my bags and grab something to eat and head on home, because I'm tapped, drain, and I am sufficiently low on spoons.
It's not easy, doing this. But, it's worth it. I'm out playing with a group of people I adore, creating stories and for a few hours at a stretch living out those stories. It's worth the exhaustion and it's worth the effort.
Later.
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