Going There

Friday night, I was aikido'd into going to Changeling by my dear friend (and resident Changeling the Lost ST/Groupie) Abby. Abby knows my pressure points, because she said simply "Empress Song will be there." For the two or three of you who don't play Changeling in the New York Game, Empress Song is the leader of the Southern Court of New York, and is a major player in the group that my PC, Jin, is a part of. Unfortunately, Song is an NPC, Jin is currently the only PC member of the Directional Courts. So, when Abby says that another Sovereign of the Directions is making an in the flesh appearance, I will snap to.

God damn you Abby.

The game began as most games began, with me just kinda costing with the group to do a thing. Unfortunately, the scene was fueled more by Out Of Character ennui than anything really IC. I couldn't really care about what was going on. To me it was just a bunch of geeks sitting around a table fucking about. As time and time again has proven, I suck at doing that as myself let alone as my characters. We got shit done and we carted off into the room again. It was there that things got interesting. I sat down with Shawn and Ephraim, whose PCs Ciar (the Autumn Sovereign) and Lachoros (Winter Sovereign) were having a discussion. The three of them have collectively had a shitty month, with them losing a member of their freehold to Keepers, while Jin suffered insult by their freehold personally (he was once a member), professionally and they approached him solely as a means of arming their stupid plan, and as a delegate of another freehold altogether he was ignored on a matter which involved all of them. Those two sovereigns weren't at the gathering this all happened at, but they were also responsible to other activities that have left the Freeholds ill at ease.

There came a point somewhere between Jin's conversation with Ciar where both of them made it personal. Ciar is a Fairest Shadowsoul and could give Tolkien's Elves a run for their money in the haughty department. Jin is a soldier, a killer, and a man far too tired and covered in blood for this bullshit. It ended with Ciar selling one of his people (and Jin's best friend) under the bus on the whole matter while agreeing that things will not be done as if their Freehold is to blame. Jin agreed with him...and then promptly told him right to his face that if war should happen, as the Emperor of the Court of War, Jin would be forced to dedicate his life to the ending of the freehold, which is the last thing Jin ever wants. It ended with Jin begging Ciar to make his attempts to rectifying the problem, as the alternative is something that no one in that room wants at all.

There was a point during that conversation, I don't know when, where I realized that the room stopped. Everyone, every single player and character, stopped and watched the two of us have this heated conversation dripping with emotion. When Jin got up, and believe me when I say Jin and not I is intentional, the entire room exhaled sharply. For several minutes, an entire game of Changeling stopped for two people. I walked out of that scene, and into another one with the first West Court PC I've met other than Jin, where we have had this intense conversation/walking around each other. August, played by the awesome Scott, and Jin both had the scent of blood in the air and while August called for immediate action, Jin called for deliberation. Jin is pissed, and everything in him knows that Ciar will eventually need to be dealt with, but he will not risk open war with Seasonals and risk losing his friends and loved ones.

Game ended there, and I remember feeling this high. I don't remember my words, as I often don't when either reciting lines for a show or having written them down in a story or a blog. I felt emptied out, I felt satisfied. I realized that for the first time in five months, people saw Jin. Not Craig Page-playing-Jin, but the man himself. I felt like I was on autopilot and I just did it instead of overthinking and trying to go "well this would be cool". I hit a mark and I ran with it.

I've been LARPing for three years now and Roleplaying for nearly five. I've seen players hit that high mark where you feel that they are these characters, you are drawn into the world with them and it becomes a bit more real than it was before. I saw it all throughout Requiem, watching the power players bring a level of intensity publicly and privately where you are compelled to react in the world. I've also heard stories about players who through sheer force of will made their characters live. The key example I've heard being Dain, a former NYC player, playing Simon Cassio. Cassio's reign as Prince of New York, and his level of intensity and the sense that this is a being who will kill you if you present yourself as a threat to the City, was lauded even three years after his departure. LARPs can get dodgy with the memory thing as we often deal with the Here and Now. People were still referring to Cassio with legit, OOC fear. I've had the privilege of working with him on email scenes, as well as his wife Rachel. Rachel, this time around, plays my cousin Juniper. Madwoman, Seeress, She speaks in riddles and only she knows the true meaning. We finally met and worked during NERE and watching her interact with people and how through her performance sucked them in and, through that intensity and commitment to the character, improved their roleplay.

And I'll be honest, I want more of that. One of my larger fears is that LARP groups, once they've settled in and gotten to know each other, tend to just repeat the same routines and it becomes more about the players than it does about the characters, thereby making it less of a LARP and more of a social club with funny costuming policies. In an isolated system, entropy can only increase. So I want to open up more and focus more on these characters. One of the reasons I took a break was so I could 1) rest up because burnout is a thing and not something I like and 2) remove my PCs from the Here and Now, allowing me to come in with fresh eyes for everyone (including myself) in regards to these characters. I know how I present myself to people. I'm a goofball, a snarky cloudcuckoolander who is mostly harmless but goddamit I try. I'm aware of this.  However, I'm playing characters who aren't, and sometimes it helps to remind the other players as well as yourself of that fact.

So, in short, I'm aiming for more intense scenes, and more intense character work other than "I have a thing, I do a thing" While snarking with my friends. I can do that (or not, depending on the mood) outside of game. But If I'm showing up to a game, I want to make sure that people are getting my A game, so I'm not just sitting there IC and OOCly bored.

Later.