In Remembrance

I realized a few days ago that as of December 5th, I will have been larping for 3 years. I know that's nothing major to some of the people around me, but it means a lot to me. I've been a geek my entire life, but up until 5 years ago, I never had an outlet to express my geekiness. Then I found friends in the Dresden Files online sites, from there I found friends and became a member of New York Jedi, from them I joined the Camarilla (now Mind's Eye Society). It was a radical notion to me back then. I had been writing and acting out my own characters my whole life, conducting battles and scenes with only the images in my head. I fought monsters, I died and was buried. I loved, and lost and was betrayed. I played the Arrogant, the Fool, The fighter, the Mage, the Guile Hero.

So imagine my surprise and amazement when I found out that people not only did this as well, but with each other.

I was dimly aware of Vampire the Masquerade in High School, with my friend Dave playing Giovanni and talking about the play space. I thought it was cool, but it didn't register much (High School was weird for me, okay?). College I played The Matrix Online with a bunch of people who, even eight years later I'm still friends with. We roleplayed a lot of our parts and I'm responsible for a lot of their backstory stuff for the group. Then I joined New York Jedi, a swirling vaccum of "don't dream it, be it." and building our own characters that got to write and then act out our scenes and conflicts on stage. Then I came back to it, with several of the older members telling me they played Vampire.

Initially, I thought they meant Masquerade. While they explained that they played Requiem, I decided to still go for it. I studied, and made up my mind and went to the November Downtimes session. That's where I met my friends Chris and Brendan, who showed me the ropes and helped me nail down the depressed lush that was Vincenzo Taglia. Brendan invited me to the Ordo Dracul meeting the next week, where I met Abby, Greg, Margaret. Three years later and I'm *still* playing with these lunatics.

I remember the first game, being nervous as hell.  I grabbed dinner early at the nearby diner and waited, almost debating whether I should have gone or not. What if I fucked up, did I really understand what I was getting myself into? What was I getting myself into.

Eventually I went in, helped Matt and Dan arrange the space, and then prepped for game. It went well, really. I had a bit of plot, being a Mekhet gave me Psychic Dreams for Everyone, which then got pried out of my head by Matty who was a Ventrue. At some point I realized someone brought wine and I, playing (and being) the good Italian availed myself of some of it. The Ordo Dracul, being the largest covenant in the City, gathered and learned that one of our own had been abducted, beaten and left for dead in Queens. We underwent a rescue mission, where we extracted the Covenant Mate and arrived back before the night ended. My character's defining moment was when I found out the wine was gone and deciding "Taglia should be pissed by this." He preceded to berate the abductee for making him miss his wine. This lead to Brendan giving me a shout out and pretty much affirming a very nervous geek that he was doing alright.

The next year was all Requiem, all the time. 2011 was me figuring things out and juggling grad school with geek world. That first year was me running around and enjoying it, and enjoying the people I was with. Eventually I met and befriended Ilan, dragged my oft time writing partner Brandon into the club, and was witness and party to a lot of fun and dramatic things. Taglia at this point had become a Priscus, and the social game was pretty dynamic. I've stated before that Craig as a Human does not have high social Stats, so it became a sense of lack of direction for him as a character and me as a person. In some ways going to Requiem began to be a job. 

Eventually I joined Mage the Awakening, and I fell in love all over again. I could write an essay all of it's own as to why I love the venue and hug it with my brain. Rhys was a fun character, and was an overall joy to play, until I decided to do something that was, in hindsight, inevitable.

I decided to be a Storyteller.

Becoming Storyteller has been frustrating and exhilirating at the same time. I was responsible for running and writing worlds. This was writing in action. I realized early on at the beginning that I knew nothing about Storytelling from a larping perspective. It was rough, and some of my players didn't believe in taking it easy. Which brought about this blog as a means of me dealing with my thoughts instead of garroting some of the people I had to deal with.

During that time, I also began playing Dystopia Rising, that bunch of lunatics that went into the woods and dealt with shambling hordes of zombies, raiders, and whatever the fuck the Storytellers could chuck at them. They inspired me, but Time, Money, Energy, and other factors have prevented me from sinking into what is a highly evolved game.

As time went on, and the several year Chronicle ended with a sickening clank instead of a bang, I felt tired and drawn. I built a world for the New Mage and populated it with characters. I should have instead taken a break. Didn't happen. By August, I found myself just not feeling the same joy and wonder as I felt three years ago. I was familiar with the program, and the people in the room. Since I couldn't change them, I decided I needed to change myself. I've gotten more into the Nordic Scene and I want to develop one, with a possible basis in Mira Grant's Newsflesh Series. I have an idea for a Boffer Larp , but that will take time.

But playing, and interacting. I grown tired. The best moment I've had in almost a year came recently from a moment where I just said fuck it and went into the scene. You see, that same fear and nervousness that I had when I was just starting out, the one that said "what if I fuck up?" never went away. To this day I still have that both in game and in life. And when I stopped that, I touched something different, and something I want to hold on to more. I spent the first year going "yay geeks!" the second year going "yay game!" the third year going "Yay storytelling!" and now I'm searching for the next high.

Now I'm trying to find out why I'm still here. I've been dancing around it for a while. I want to create something, I want more than just the 'my character shows up and does a thing'. I want to do something that will have players talking ICly and OOCly about for a while. I want to make an impact through my characters and my deeds. Now I think I want to play for the challenge of it. To challenge myself and the players around me. I want to build an environment, either as an ST or a player, where we can tell stories three years from now.

Maybe I'm just looking for the next high, or maybe I just need to get higher. I'll find out, but I'm still in love with this crazy little group of ours.

Later.