Wednesday, September 19, 2012

A Moment of Brevity, Mage Style

Given to me by my friend and fellow player, Chris

Me: Well, I'm off to see a new book after hanging out with Mage for a bit.

Mage: Aw, don't be like that, there is plenty of depth to me.

Me: See, that's the problem, you have depth but you like to go overboard and it annoys people so i think we need to see other people for a while.

Mage: Pfft, it's in my theme. Oh you'll be back. you can't stay away from my succulent verbose pages.

Me: Yah, well time to move on for a bit.

*Phone rings*


Promethean: I Still love you.

Me: I like you too but you're still staying in the basement until i can find some players.

Promethean: *cries*

*hangs up phone to have it ring a second later*

Me: Hello?

Hunter: You got to help me man! Vampire's gone crazy! Nutter than Changeling on DMT!

Me: What is it this time?

Hunter: I don't know, something about the 4th tier and not being in it. I never paid any attention to it so i kinda just tuned it out but now she's gone postal. Hell, she makes me look sane and I kill people fore a living!

Me:Look, just remind her that she is the flag ship title and she will eventually get it. she also needs to stop acting like a spoiled child when she sees something the other gameline has.

Hunter: Yah, I agree with you there. Hold on, i think she heard us. brb

*the phone cuts to the sound of chainsaws, bestial howls and shotgun blast before the line cuts off.*

Me: Why do i deal with these crazy game lines. maybe i should try some of the blue book line.

*meets Changeling Breeds.*
Me: So what's your story?

CB: Human's suck! I mean they like take over the world and shit all over it! i mean look at this place! complete and utter shithole!

Me: You do realize that almost all your players are human and most of them don't want to play eco terrorists?

CB: Nah man, I heard from this one character in Mass Effect 3 that removing choices from players and making them meaningless is an AWESOME way to run a game! I mean, who wants a thing like choices? What? you mean that nWoD doesn't have a metaplot? Pifff!

Me: Ok.. i guess we can rule out personality... How is your crunch?

CB: Oh it's awesome. i mean the players can take stuff out of mage and werewolf and have the time of their lives! and the stats allow for flexibility and innovation!

Me: Ok.. So your admitting that your allowing players to steal powers from other gamelines, and the stats and powers that you do have are a convoluted mess that it takes the likes of the fans to figure it out.

CB: See! Flexibility! It's a feature!

Me: Right..

Skinchangers: I'm sorry but I couldn't help but notice but is this guy bothering you?

CB: You stay out of this! You're not even a real book stand alone book! You're a Werewolf rip off!

SC: Oh hush! You could say the same thing about Slasher and he turned out perfectly fine.

*Sliver razor wire drifts across CB's throat and digs into his flesh as the hands guiding it suddenly pull up. there is a slight struggle until CB's body lays still*

Slasher: I'm most dreadfully sorry but he had the most colorful eyes I have ever seen and i simply had to have them for my collection. If you wish, I can give you any other part of the body. I'm more than willing to share.

Me: Um.. no thanks.

Slasher: Ah, a pity then. By the way, If you see Hunter, let him know that Changeling wants to meet with him again. Something about someone following her again. I would personally do it my self except the things that follow her just leave twigs and bones. Not exactly the same as looking into a victim's eyes as the knife falls upon them. feeling their dying breath on your arm as you dig out their eyes.. Ah the screams... first of surprise, then anger, then fear, and finally death.. anyways, I've rambled on enough. time for work.

*Slasher drags CB out*

SC: Well ... he's mostly fine but at least we are coherent.

Me: And what about Inferno and Immortals?

SC: Oh, Inferno is awesome! a little peeved that he's going to be replaced by his little brother soon but his systems are just damn good.. and that theme...

Me: you're getting drool on the table

SC: Oh sorry. Anyways, Immortals is pretty cool as well. no one's got a bone to pick with him and he's coherent. the system is great but it lacks that certain... zing that makes a book great.

Me: right..

SC: Oh, and there is Second Sight.

Me: right, Mage's little sister. cute but Mage is hotter.

SC: if you say so.

Me: So is that it?

SC: Well, there is Innocents but he scares the shit out of me?

Me: Why?

SC: Ever play Amnesia?

Me: Good point..

SC: other than that, i think that is about it.

Me: hum... I need to think for a second.

*Phone rings*

Me: Yes?

Geist: Get that damn dog off my street!

Me: He's a wolf, he has every right to be there as you do.

Geist: Bull crap. I died to be offered the Gift by the Pink Pony on a holy jihad to rid all the world of youtube commenters and I will not be stopped by some dog who think he can be an artist with his piss on my damn sidewalk!

Me: You're not being very reasonable..

Geist: Fuck reason! I had a motherfucking religious experience! When i died from being kicked on to an escalator and perpetually tossed around for five hours until breaking my neck, I saw the Pink Pony in all her glorious forms. she said to me to kill all youtube commenters and thus making the world a better place!

Me: Right...

Geist: You just wait, I'll get him this time!

Me: you said that the last three times after he killed you.

Geist: practice makes perfect.

*Hangs up the phone*

Me: well, this has been fun but i need to head back.

SC: aw, i'll see you later.

*goes back to house*

Mage: so how did it go?

Me: could have been better, could have been worse.

Mage: cool, do did you get any fun ideas while you were out there?

Me: a few, want to try them out?

Mage: sure, after all, I can do anything...

Me: yes.. yes you can.

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